Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
