If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize