your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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