Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
