I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
