im about as happy as oj after his trial
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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