next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
