i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
