my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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