Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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