Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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