Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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