Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
