If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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