Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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