kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just invented taco cereal.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
