she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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