It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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