I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
