the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize