If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
