return my video game
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
