theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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