oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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