great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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