that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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