I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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