4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
