There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
