also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
