got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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