been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize