I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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