Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
