I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
