I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
