I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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