sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
