420 ftw
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
