I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
