Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
