I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
