I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
