after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
