I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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