she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
