Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
