i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
