You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
