if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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