I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
