I am spending my child support on dildos
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
