My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
