I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am spending my child support on dildos
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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