I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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