hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
