Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
