God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
