I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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