Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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