I puked a lego.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
