you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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