when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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