I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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