One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
