God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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