I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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