No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
