can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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