my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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