The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I didn't notice because vodka
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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