Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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