i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
