if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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