Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You dont lie about slip and slides
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize