Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
